The ruins of my ex future lay strewn at my feet and the hands of time are not going to pick them up for me. Or, in simpler terms, I am fucked.
I am stuck in the now, that state of being that so many aspirants attempt to achieve. These self-same people proclaim this state as a goal to be achieved by meditation and spirituality yet if they were in my shoes, they'd be sucking it too.
You see, being in the now is not all it's cracked up to be. For instance, the calendar is inconsequential in the now. There is no future here, the numbers are meaningless. I miss the delicious anticipation of sitting at the table of a fine restaurant, menu perused, my carefully curated order being prepared in the hands of a master chef. I miss the stimulating thoughts of going to the beach or seeing a movie, pondering the future is simply not in my playbook.
Did I mention the bright promise of hope? Ever since my awakening, that's become another one of those pesky ideas that I can't seem to understand anymore.
About that awakening. It just happened all by itself. Granted, I've been meditating for years chasing the big moment of awareness but had only been "rewarded" with a smattering of little moments. My short visits to the now were very inspirational however now I don't even have those to look forward to. Now, all my feelings are indistinguishable from each other, for there is no judgment. Right is wrong and left is right.
Thus I come to be. I am trapped in an eternal prison.
A car horn beeps. Whatever I have to do, I'm not prepared. That's about all. For now.
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Brilliant as always. Life is just a bunch of nows.😃 love it Tony, love your deep thinking. Xx K
This is fantastic. And real.