Mack Bolling peed like a girl.
He told me. Granted, we were shit-faced at the time, but that big macho man told me, I swear to God and back.
We were in Rudy's, a tiny dive bar deep in the heart of Hell's Kitchen, New York City. It was a blustery January day outside and people were jam-packed ass to cheek in there, some seeking refuge from the weather, some seeking solace from loneliness, and most seeking relief from both. And, oh, did I mention some seeking free hot dogs?
I guess you could call them that, skinny meat torpedoes that tasted pretty good once your blood alcohol level made it past the legal limit.
It was 2:15 a.m. and Rudy's was out of dogs. The crowd was gabbling intensely around us and we were sandwiched between some screechy chicks from New Jersey. One of them, a 30-something bottle blond, was squawking a tirade about how men were disgusting slobs. She was verbally ticking off a list and item number three was about men who couldn't be bothered to lift up the toilet seat to take a leak.
“They piss all over the seat,” she said.
That's the exact moment my drunk buddy Mac, temporarily sober as a judge, leaned into my ear and confessed, "I pee sitting down."
He continued, "It's easy in the middle of the night. I sit right down on the seat and don't make a mess. My girlfriend is so appreciative.”
I was shocked and turned to look at him. I wanted to say something snarky but the moment was over. He was macho Mack again, a big guy with a massive chest and huge biceps that could kill a man.
He pulled hard on his beer, his large hand almost hiding the mug as he caught my eyes with a steely death stare that promised to kill me if I ever mentioned his statement to anybody.
"I'm going to take a leak,” he said.
My mind reeled as it envisioned the process. My pal, Special Warfare Operator Mack Bolling, the baddest Navy SEAL in town.
Sitting on the can.
Taking a piss.
Like a girl.
###
Did you know that sitting down to piss is good for your prostate?
It helps in the relaxation of the detrusor muscles, therefore making it more favorable urodynamically.